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I don't weigh in....I truly don't want to ever know my weight. The fact that a few months ago-prior to depression and unhealthy choices is kinda astonishing. That sad fact however doesn't really play into why I decided to start taking inventory of what I am doing via food and exercise; I did this because I am tired of being me. I am tired of being judged solely on my weight.
With the previous paragraph in mind I find it insane that at 31 I get judged by some random human at the gym, for the same exact thing that I was picked on in middle school for. Now this is not something that happened years ago that has subconsciously plaguing me, until recently I have been very positive about how I appear, no this is something that happened to me last Monday. I will be honest, I have worried about how people see me, hell I'm human; but to have someone look at me while I am working out (in an obvious attempt to better myself), and grimace, like im nothing but a disgusting piece of fat.
After telling my husband that we are leaving, and sobbing in the car, I felt that there was some explaining that needed to be done.
**side note-my husband is built very similar to how I am. Short and we are rounded. He too has had problems with weight-and trust that the military addressed these issues rather vocally while he was in service--but for the most part outside of the military he has not been judged**
I had to explain to him that the way I look has been a massive issue. I have been teased horribly at school (left to cry in restrooms), at the public poll (again with the restroom tears), and even by family (no restroom crying this time, instead hiding under the bed and refusing to come out).
Due to this I have altered my personality. I have become a horrible person. This trend started in high school, where my boyfriend would state that he would dump me if I was note physically appealing. I figured then, as I have now, that if I am not friendly they will focus on that rather than my weight. Until last Monday that theory held true.
I let my guard down. I was happy with the effort I was putting out. I was starting to be content with who I am. I was working out to be healthy and to gain the confidence that I lacked prior in my life. And sadly I let one person disrupt roughly 6 months of progress.
Today, after thinking and rethinking, and yet rethinking some more-I have decided that I need to be positive. Progress or no progress, I want to be happy. I am done allowing random people to tear me down. I hate the fact that I am judged on my appearance first and foremost, yes, if you're going to dislike me it's going to be based on my snarky attitude damnit!
I have let this issue get to me for far too long. I want to be healthy, thinner would be a perk yes...but I just want to be happy.
IT'S TIME TO LET THE HAPPINESS SHINE THROUGH.
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1300 kcal
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Grasa: 51,81g | Prot: 52,93g | Carbh: 162,54g.
Desayuno: Great Value Chunky Peanut Butter, Great Value Sliced Bananas, The Greek Gods Vanilla Honey Greek Yogurt, 1% Fat Milk, Nature's Path Love Crunch Dark Chocolate & Peanut Butter Granola. Almuerzo: Dirty Rice. Cena: Mexican Style Meat and Corn Hominy Soup (Pozole). Pasa Bocas / Otros: WinCo Foods Black Chia Seeds, Ocean Spray Cranberry Juice Cocktail. más...
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 Comentarios
One day at a time. Keep doing you and the rest will take care of itself!! Chin up girl!!
24 feb. 19 por el miembro: lynnmriley68
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That’s something I could have written and also many others here. You’ve taken the most important step already. Everything going forward will be easy by comparison. 👊🏻
24 feb. 19 por el miembro: GardenOfHeeden
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Go back to the gym and use your snarky attitude and continue your progress
24 feb. 19 por el miembro: tiffany1908
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24 feb. 19 por el miembro: HawaiiTutu
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Love yourself no matter what. - you are worth it, that I know for sure!
25 feb. 19 por el miembro: FrankieBluEyes
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It is so hard in the moment to remember that the opinions of others are not a reflection of US, but of their lack of self-worth. They are so desperate to feel better about themselves, but being incapable of becoming better, all they can do is make sure someone else feels worse. The initial hurt almost overwhelms my logic at times, and it can take a while before I'm able to feel pity for how shallow they are and likely always will be.
25 feb. 19 por el miembro: ConiMN
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some people are just that shallow. they think that if you arent built like a super model then you're nothing. the reality is, however, if all you have to offer the world is your body then you're the one with the bigger issues. (i feel sorry for those people, they're going to get old and wrinkly and feel the same way about themselves as the people they put down for not being physically perfect.. lol, on second thought i dont feel sorry at all, lol, they'll get what they deserve. karma's a b@+€#) 😊 dont stress over the opinions of shallow people.. they have no idea what a decent human being looks like.
25 feb. 19 por el miembro: QueenMari3
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You have made the first and most important breakthrough - happiness/joy is a choice. Chose to love yourself for who you are and who you were created to be. See yourself as beautiful and that will color your world. there will always be those who need to build themselves up by tearing others down. Pity them for the negative people that they are and don't let them change who you are. Choose to be loving, giving and happy. Focus on the positives in your life - your husband and your new health choices. And remember, there is only one judge who matters and he loves you just the way you are!
25 feb. 19 por el miembro: Phil2001
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love yourself. those people who look or smirk or say negative comments are only trying to make themselves feel better. do not let that define YOU. people have looked and smirked and said terrible things to me. I choose to ignore those ugly things. Make you happy and continue your journey feeling proud and stay positive. God Bless.
25 feb. 19 por el miembro: 7Sparkles
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Do not allow people to have space in your head. They are not worth it. Especially when they are real but heads. People will always judge us by our weight. Know who you are, and what your journey is. You know where you are going, they don't. Our world is full of shallow butheads, who watch way to much Hollywood lies. Don't ever let anyone steal your joy. They do not deserve a second thought from you; or even a first thought.
25 feb. 19 por el miembro: Bshiffer
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