Over the past 15 months, this journal has been a place where I processed, whined and "patted myself on the back" ... a place where I confessed and cheered ...even when I was silently working towards my goals in the real world and wouldn't say a thing...FS is my safe place. thank you.
So here I am again.. .as I am contemplating where I want to be...I am thinking of physical fitness. I almost get nauseated thinking about. My adolescent insecurities choke me..almost to the point of tears when I think about this next step. psssh...Not almost, I actually tear up.
I was the proverbial fat kid who couldn't manage one chin up or climb the rope. I chose over and over again to be the manager or water boy... so that I didn't have to do be humiliated in front of my peers... or deal with pain. And as I confront this once again.. I am finding little Stevie still is hiding in the locker room picking up the towels.
So...not that I have come to any conclusion or I am drawing a line in the sand... BUT... I am getting this out of my head/heart..and putting it out there in cyber world to say.. I see you.."little Stevie"... and it's gonna be ok...and it's time to come out and work this mutha out.