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Today, I'm not writing about weight. I'm writing just to say that I'm feeling kinda down, for personal reasons, and I'm having a hard time shaking it the last couple of days. Normally, if I felt this way, I could probably attribute it to my hormones, and I would probably be right. I'd give it a couple of days, and then I would easily move past whatever was bothering me; however, I don't think I can blame my current state of mind on hormones right now. I think it's just some stuff that has been upsetting me, and it's lingering.
I'm trying not to let myself start the spiral downward. I struggled with depression (Probably post-partum? Not sure.) after my 4th child was born. I finally sought out help. Some short-term meds and a little talk therapy helped a lot, and I got out of that dark hole.
So, I recognize this feeling, and I'm consciously making the effort to not engage in the negative self-talk that feeds itself. Trying not to feel worthless. Trying not to feel hopeless. I'm certainly not in the same dark place I was 8-9 years ago, but I feel the pull. (BTW--I was never at risk of self-harming back then, but I was just full of negative emotion and it was definitely impacting my quality of life and ability to be a good mom & good spouse, and finally started impacting me during my work day, too.)
The primary difference between then and now is that 1.) I *know* not to start the negative self-talk spiraling. It's an effort, though. 2.) A year ago, I probably would have been *stuffing* my feelings with food, but I am not doing that now--and won't. Yay, me. But, without food as a convenient crutch right now...I'm really feeling all the feels, you know?
Just needed to put this down, so I can set it aside for a few more hours. If you're reading--thanks for "hearing" me.
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