Diario de catherineeleanor, 17 dic. 16

I went through that last year. It's tough, and it takes great determination to fill the space he used to occupy. One of the things that helped me was deciding to change my self-image, which brought me here. Here I've found untold support and kindness...and a swift kick when I needed it! I also found a new interest in making videos. Fun, time consuming and interesting. I came to realize how much of my time and energy he really took, and suddenly, I quit missing him. On the bad days, remind yourself that this, too, shall pass. It does get easier. 

Thank you sooo much for the support everyone... I haven't texted or called or anything yet (just a few desperate tweets to no one in particular). I have kept my distance, i haven't gone to his house, i haven't begged, i haven't tried reaching him. Yes, the pain has started to sink in. But also, YES, I have realised that i wasn't the person that i wanted to be, i didn't have a regime of my own, my goals were stuck, i couldn't dream, i couldn't really feel or focus on anything! All of my focus was on him, all i wanted was to wait for him to do anything either that was the initiative to break up or move on with me. My life was mostly about him. And even though i did a great deal of things i didnt really put my heart or head in any of those. I feel numb and in pain but also - oh God- oh so clean. I feel i need to start caring about me again. REALLY DO SO. I don't even know if it's possible but i had missed myself SO MUCH. Right now i feel so confused.... Confused but clean. I love him sure.... but i NEED to love me too. I want to become my own person, i just felt like i was so.... empty. EMPTY AF. There is such a huge void inside of me.... obviously because he left and took my everything with him. But truthfully, i has hanging there empty... i was oh so empty before he left.... and eventhough i was indeed trying to get myself full again... i just couldnt. Not wilst he was there, not wilst i was waiting for him to silently judge me or treat me badly me or psychologically abuse me. Because what is telling someone i love you and i need you and i need you to do this and that and him saying that he cant and then telling you off because you re unhappy.... and shutting the phone to your face and never ever being there when you need them? i was asking for love and got pain. And some more pain on top of that... and the answer to me wondering when he s going to give what i want? "why are you nagging, i am here aren't i? you are so unappreciative of me and my trying to be there for you and love you"..... whilst i was begging for love... and him giving me null..... feel free to be supportive... 

From what I am reading , it doesn't sound like you have lost a great deal when he left , I don't think he loved you like you loved him , (he sounds downright abusive actually ) and while he was in your life he was keeping you from having the better things that you deserve , hang in there , be kind to yourself ,and maybe don't put your power in the hands of others, sending you love and light xxxx  

wikkedd2, thank you so much... i feel that way too... but, it hurts. I am trying to stand on my own feet though. 

Catherine, I remember, what it is like to have painful breakups, when you are young. My most painful breakup was when I was 20 years old, and I remember an album by Eric Clapton came out right at that time, that I listened to over and over, it's the album with the song "After Midnight", and it still hurts to hear it now. It brings it ALL back, but a year after that, I found my first wife, and she made me forget about that lady, that broke my heart. The good thing is, that you have those feelings. Many people never fall in love. So that makes you VERY SPECIAL!  

You have my sincere condolences...  

Read this, I think you'll connect with it :) http://aaronbleyaert.tumblr.com/post/109959086957 

I am so sorry in what you are going though, I remember those younger days of myself, it really is very painful especially with your diet, just hang in their ok. :(  

@warrenwinter oh yeah, i have a few songs that remind me of him. One of them is not such a good choice though given that it is "take a walk on the wild side". I really love this song. I don't want it ruined for eternity.... 

Catherine, pardon me, but maybe remember him by "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC! lol 

I understand exactly what you are going through. I met my husband at 13 and we were inseparable. We married when I was 23. When I was 29, I caught him cheating on me. He said he still love me, but I knew I was 2nd best. I also knew that you can't MAKE someone love you and it's pointless to try. I knew I had to let him go. To this day, I still have love in my heart for him even though he has been dead for many years. All you can do is take each day as it comes and remember you don't know how much time you have on this earth so DON'T WASTE IT. Just live one day at a time. You will have good days and bad days, but the bad ones will pass. The human heart has a great capacity for love and you can love again if you let it happen. Meanwhile, we are here for you. 

So sorry for you! Very difficult! Don't know what to do? what has worked for me is to grieve! just cry like a baby. Really get into the greif & keep it up until you can't feel it. But for me it was important not to attach it to anything or anyone. Please try this, it was amazing for me. and, just remember: you are LOVEABLE! :) 

Been there - actually more than once. I am now very happily married - 12 years going on 13. All I can say it hang in there. This too shall pass.  

When somebody walks away from you take it as a blessing. I found that bit of advice in a book called Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, it's worth a read. 

When you find the one, you will be so thankful that he walked out of your life. I know it doesn't feel good now, but believe us we know this horrible feeling will pass. We are here for you.  

Time will be your friend. Heart heal slowly, but know, they do heal. You are not alone in your experience. Remember, the Best is Yet to Be! I am thanking God for the one that got away. My husband was an answer to prayer and was worth waiting for. Stay busy and focus on yourself. Think of someone who is just around the corner. You can do it! 

Yes as others have said. You will get through this and when you find that person who is truly meant for you, you will be glad this other person walked out of your life. Better things are in store. there s a healing process and it doesn't feel good but it will get better with time.