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18 abril 2018
Me vs. Cookie
It's calling to me. As a sugar addict, it's like having crack in the house. The kids deserve treats even though I'm dieting, and for now, my weigh-in tomorrow is keeping me straight.
Having quality support is so amazing. My ex-husband wanted me fat. It's honestly the only possible reason I can come up with for why he'd come home with bags of Dove chocolate while I was trying so hard (and succeeding) at losing weight. And he'd always act like he was doing it because he was thinking of me and how he wanted to show he loved me, even though he knew I wanted something else more. And then he'd get upset that I didn't want to eat them, because here he had done something to try to make me happy, and I was being ungrateful and criticizing him for doing something thoughtful.
Honestly, it's the story of our marriage, how he never supported me in the ways I needed, and then would get upset with me that I didn't appreciate him doing things that sabotaged me and us. And he'd make me believe it was somehow all my fault.
But now there's J., who when I told him tonight that I didn't trust myself alone in the house tomorrow with the cookies, hugged me, and with no judgement, offered to put them in his car when he leaves for work tomorrow and bring them home for the kids at the end of his day. No reasoning that having one cookie wouldn't hurt, or that I deserved to have one, or that I was being silly. Just acceptance and assistance.
So the cookies are going for a car ride every day until he and the kids finish them, and I'm going to bed tonight feeling supported and uplifted. It's a good feeling. :)
(19 comentarios)
16 abril 2018
I was really nervous stepping on the scale today. J. and I went to visit his family over the weekend, which meant a 7 hour drive each way and his lovely step-mother who lives to feed people.
I decided ahead of time that I didn't care if I looked ridiculous bringing a suitcase with my blender and protein powder and meal replacements and vitamins, and I'm so glad I did. His family was very supportive of my commitment to eating healthy. They appreciated that I saved my cheat meal to have two small pieces of thin crust pizza and two beers with them, and I was able to get through the weekend while maintaining my weight loss.
It's starting to feel like good habits are taking root.
(2 comentarios)
12 abril 2018
What a day today! First, it's weigh-in day! And I'm very happy I was able to take those Easter pounds back off and a little more. Second, it's measurements day! (I measure once a month.) And while my butt and thighs are being stubborn, I lost 2.5 inches elsewhere in the last month. (Why is it always the boobs to go first?) And third, my wedding dress is being delivered today! J. and I are getting married in October, and I totally did the thing you're never supposed to do and bought my dress a size too small. I'm gonna fit in it by my wedding. Cause not fitting in it isn't an option!
And I'm all psyched up today, because boy did I struggle this week. I can't tell you how many times I just wanted to lay it all down and walk away, cause this shit is *hard*, and hard work *hurts*. And oh my god do I just want to avoid piling on any more pain than what there already is in a 40-year-old, fibromyalgia-riddled body.
But I won. This week at least. And I'm going to charge right into next week, and I'm gonna win that one two. Because I can. And so can you. (Warrior Cry!)
Bust - 45.5
Chest - 40.5
Waist - 42
Hips - 51.25
Butt - 50.5
Both thighs - 48.75
One thigh - 30.25
Peso:
Disminuído hasta ahora:
Aún para ir:
Dieta seguida:
106,4 kg
4,3 kg
40,6 kg
100%
(1 comentario)
Perdiendo 1,7 kg a la Semana
05 abril 2018
Oh, wow. So, I stepped on the scale this morning, knowing full well the damage I did to my diet over the Easter weekend and early this week, and was *still* trying to rationalize that something is wrong with my body, and that there's no way I should have gained that much weight.
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! I know damn well I had 4 cans of soda between Sunday and Monday. I also know I ate two pieces of dessert on Sunday, and also on Monday and one on Tuesday cause nobody else ate the damn stuff or took any home with them.
This is on me. This is totally on me, and the only way I'm going to get back on track is if I stop lying to myself and trying to pity myself saying I got stuck with bad genes.
I threw away the rest of the desserts this morning and sent the rest of the soda to work with J. You will not defeat me! (Warrior Cry!)
Peso:
Disminuído hasta ahora:
Aún para ir:
Dieta seguida:
108,1 kg
2,5 kg
42,4 kg
Poco
(19 comentarios)
Ganando 1,5 kg a la Semana
29 marzo 2018
This week was a battle with the scale, for sure. I think with the sudden, rapid drop I had last week my body was fighting it a little more, plus I had a couple events that prevented the cleanest eating. I noticed a lot of bloating and at one point this week I was back up to 238. Ugh.
But, in the end, I was able to salvage it with a moderate drop, so I'll take it and count it as a win. Moving forward...
Peso:
Disminuído hasta ahora:
Aún para ir:
Dieta seguida:
106,6 kg
4,1 kg
40,8 kg
Bien
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Perdiendo 0,3 kg a la Semana
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