Diario de Mary2270

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31 octubre 2011

On one of the other sites that I frequent, the sentence, "I feel sorry for everyone beginning eating healthy today,at Halloween." That statement has caused me to think hard all morning. I once felt sorry that I had to watch what I eat and follow a different eating plan than all of those around me. "Poor Mary....."

Not anymore. I am glad to have control over my eating behaviors and thought processes. I am rejoicing that I will not be gaining the weight this holiday season. I am going to concentrate on what I need, not what others need me to need. My family back home needs me to be fat. They can relate to fat Mary, not the new much slimmer Mary. I seem to be a threat to them whenever I am losing weight. They look for me to fail. My failure reinforces or validates their continued failure. Most of my family is overweight. HMMMM....more thoughts coming on this issue.

28 octubre 2011

Just have had so many aha moments lately. I am going to make it this time! I am finally changing what needs to be changed. My supervisor was short with me when I asked her a question. Instead of patiently answering me, she snapped at me. I instantly went back to the table by my desk (Another food day) and grabbed some sausage and cheese and popped it in my mouth. I then realized what I was doing. Trying to stuff my feelings of inadequacy, anger, etc with food. Grabbed a kleenex and spit it all out. I then allowed myself a chance to process my feelings and went back to the supervisor. Before I could even say anything, she apologized to me for her actions. WOW!


What do I need? All of my life I have focused on others and what they need. I have been surrounded by people who need more that I can give. I gave more that I had to give. Then I had nothing to give to myself, so I ate to stuff my needs. I had some wild sisters that gave my mom some rough times. I was the good little girl and felt I couldn't let on that I needed my mom. I needed to have someone to confide in. Someone to care for my emotional needs. I had none of that because my mom had nothing to give. She was dealing with her own demons and issues. I didn't want to stress her out more, so I stuffed my needs down with food. I need love, caring, support, protection, someone to get angry for me and someone to let myself get angry. I need ME!!!!!! I need to care for myself and my needs.

27 octubre 2011

Peso: Disminuído hasta ahora: Aún para ir: Dieta seguida:
127,0 kg 6,8 kg 47,6 kg Bien
   Agregar Comentario peso estable

21 octubre 2011

20 octubre 2011

Peso: Disminuído hasta ahora: Aún para ir: Dieta seguida:
127,0 kg 6,8 kg 47,6 kg 100%
   Agregar Comentario Perdiendo 1,1 kg a la Semana


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